traitor August 8, 2010

From where I am I see your face

Weep no more my love, this is just a phase.

Soon you’ll move on then one day, you’ll forget

That I ever held you, loved you, hurt you and left.

From where I am I could smell your scent

It reminds me of the million things I should have said.

Regrets have filled and now it’s too late

Not even the Highest Power can undo my mistake.

From where I lie I want to cry

Ask for your forgiveness and bid goodbye

If death is our enemy then call me a traitor

For I have embraced and called it my saviour.

Senses August 7, 2010

Look at me…   

and see the fire in my eyes

Hear me…       

‘Cause I speak words of unrequited love

Inhale my scent…

You will know that it’s yours

Taste my kiss…         

Sweetest like the first time

Feel my touch…

Not even once it went cold.

 

Tomorrow,

 

Look at me…

I hope you will see me differently

Hear me…

For concealed emotions will be revealed

Inhale my scent…

Hoping it will remind you of me

Taste my kiss…

‘Cause this time, it will mean goodbye

And Feel my pain–

The one that you’re unaware of

 

All my senses are screaming of my love for you

But yours seem impaired.

 

My Weaknesses August 7, 2010

I can’t help my tears but to fall down

when your eyes starts to look cold.

I can’t help myself to feel insecure

every time you ignore me.

I can’t sleep at night…

knowing something needs to be resolved.

                        

I can’t do anything but lay down my defenses

the moment you put up your strong facade.

I can’t help but cry so much

because I easily get hurt.

Somehow I couldn’t make you understand…

that this is who I am.

               

I want to hold back my falling tears…

I want to feel your world under my feet…

I hope I could sleep blissfully…

I wish I could have a tougher heart…

I hope I can make you understand me better;

I wish I can make everything perfect…

But I couldn’t.

I’m back! August 6, 2010

I can’t believe that it’s been almost 8 months since I last updated my blog. Eight months are more than enough for major changes to happen in someone’s life. As for me, it was a time of rollercoaster ride. It still is. But the recent events of my life brought me back to writing again. I am lost and writing makes me feel connected to myself again.

I have loved through my words. I have hurt some too. Some have fallen in love, some were inspired.

Once more, I collected my old stuff and posted it here, hoping that it won’t take another 8 months until I make the next post.

confusion August 6, 2010

im sorry for the sadness in your eyes

     for my lame excuses and lies

i know i couldnt justify

     the pain of saying goodbye.

    

just as the clouds turned gray

     romance will fade and die the next day

even if sunset meant there’d be tomorrow

     we have to pass darkness and sorrow.

    

into a labyrinth i am lost,

     how will i find beauty in an old rose?

i wanted to end my confusion

     but still can’t decide what direction.

            

why there are things that doesnt stay the same?

     cant love be forever once it came?

i needed to realize your real worth

     im sorry if i turn my back to make this work.

    

when will i love u again as much as before?

     when will i throw the coldness out the door?

is it when butterflies need flowers no more?

     or when you dont recognize love anymore?

   

RSE August 6, 2010

I could have moved away right from the start

yet i chose to take the risk of giving you my heart.

sometimes i feel scared to love you so much

but even worse when i think we’ll be apart.

I tried to give reasons to this feeling

still, it goes beyond my understanding

because no matter how i refused to fall…

it’s you that i love most of all…

What’s your Sign? August 5, 2010

Do you believe what your zodiac sign tells about you? Even if not, I’m sure you still know which of the 12 signs you belong to. I read my horoscopes once in a while but I don’t rely on them.  If it says something good, then good! If it doesn’t  I’m not affected at all.

Out of fun, I have noted down the characteristics of a typical GEMINI. Thanks to my friend who constantly sends me emails about my astrological sign.

Most of it are precise definition of myself. Coincidence or not, it’s up to you to believe.

 

Geminis are quick, clever, impulsive, restless, changeable and highly intellectual. They crave novelty and variety, and grow bored easily.

The third sector of the zodiac, Gemini is all about intelligence and communication. You’re born under this sign and have a talent for and love of using your minds and expressing yourself fully.

As a Gemini, you take an interest in all sorts of different things. Anything that gets your mind ticking over will grab you. You constantly try to challenge your mental abilities and will make extra efforts to understand anything you put your mind to.

Anyone who engages you in quick-witted and thoughtful banter will win your heart for sure.

If you could be accused of anything, it would be that you spread yourself too thinly, by being interested in too many things. To some people, you seem superficial and flighty. It’s the ‘rolling stone gathering no moss’ thing — doing a bit of this and a bit of that and not getting deeply into any one thing.

You see it differently, of course. To you life is a smorgasbord, and you’re going to taste everything. Trying just one main course, so to speak, isn’t your thing. Variety, diversity and experimentation are some of your key words.
Learning will always be one of your passions — you don’t believe there’s ever a good time to limit someone’s desire to improve their mind.

You have a great love of the written as well as the spoken word, and will often put pen to paper — or hands to keyboard — to get your own thoughts down. Sometimes this is just so you can work out what you think about a particular issue or event. Lots of journalists, writers, and advisers are Geminis; their way with words is their best tool for making a lasting impression.

A Gemini woman will be full of the small, sentimental gestures that keep alive the romance in a relationship. She will always find new ways of telling you how much she loves you and will shower you with her alluring charm. She may act like a typical woman at one point of time, be a nervous wreck the other minute and engage in an intelligent conversation the very next second. She has the feminine charms, but she will never be clinging on to you. 

She finds something good in all the men she meets and then, wants a man who has all of those qualities. However, this can’t be and then, she keeps longing for that perfect man! She can be your best friend, your sports partner, your racing competitor and your lover, all at the same time. Just remember one thing, she is single-handedly giving you all this, so don’t expect consistency from her. A Gemini female can look at other guys, even when she is sincerely in love with you. Change is in her nature and she has to learn to control her own behavior. Just make sure to keep her interested in you and she will remain totally devoted.

Marrying one Gemini woman is like living with two different wives. Confused? Don’t be, we are just talking about her dual personality. She has a dual nature and is capable of displaying different personality traits at different points of time. However, your major task will be to get her to commit. She is so fidgety that it becomes very difficult for her to become deeply involved with one person or place. The mind of a Gemini female never settles down at one place and her thoughts are always wandering.

However, if you do manage to blend with her at the mental, spiritual as well as physical level, you will be introduced to a woman full of passion. She may love your most irritating habits one minute and be extremely sarcastic about your new stylish haircut the very next.

A Gemini girl may love your intelligence, but she will also notice your lack of interest in creative arts. It is same the other way round too. Puzzled? You should be, at times, even she is baffled by her own complex nature.

A Gemini girl will always respect your individuality and you will be required to do the same. She will seek a partner who is as intellectually stimulating as he is sexually attractive and, one who is who is mobile, versatile, and not possessive.  Passionate pillow talk, sex discussions and erotic movies appeal to the Gemini while bedroom silence and sexual routine turns them off.
So, are you still interested in dating a GEMINI?

broken August 5, 2010

Don’t look into my eyes ’cause you will see it’s dead

The life it once had was taken away.

It’ll no longer be the window to my soul

But now a grave where lies my core.

Don’t ask me to smile ’cause it will be fake

The happiness once painted is wiped out.

A gloomy picture is all I am

Never the same after this pain.

Don’t touch my hand ’cause I don’t want to feel

That yours has changed while mine still burns

I am hurting and longing all at the same time

My heart is broken into pieces

And even the pieces are still breaking

How could it be possible to love like this?

That now even breathing isn’t easy

Into a blackhole I am sinking

Won’t you come and rescue me?

Things I Miss Most about Christmas–Pinoy Style! December 5, 2009

Ilang taon na rin akong naninirahan sa UAE. At magmula ng mag-trabaho ako dito, hindi pa ko nakauwi ng Pinas para magdiwang ng Pasko. Nakakalungkot kasi halos pang-limang Pasko na akong di nakakapag-Noche Buena kasama ng Nanay ko at lalong-lalo na ng mga pamangkin ko. Akala ko masasanay din ako.  Pero hanggang ngayon, miss ko pa rin ang selebrasyon sa Pinas. There’s nothing compared to Christmas at Home.

 

Naisip ko tuloy isulat yung mga bagay na nami-miss ko sa Pinas kapag buwan ng Disyembre

 

Christmas Mood. Pag malapit na ang Pasko, lahat ng tao maganda ang mood. Ang mga sales lady nakangiti, ang mga customer mahaba ang pasensya, majority ng Pilipino nagiging Good Samaritan. There’s something in the air kumbaga. Lumalamig lang naman ang panahon pero ewan ko ba, kasama siguro sa paglamig ng panahon ay ang paglamig ng ulo ng mga tao. Kung pwede nga lang sana araw-araw Pasko para masaya, ‘di ba?!

 

 

Dahil nga nasa Muslim territory ako, bihira akong makakita ng Christmas decorations sa daan. Meron namang mga shops na nagtitinda ng Christmas trees pero iba pa rin sa Pinas. Bawat poste ng Meralco merong kumukuti-kutitap na ilaw. Lahat ng bahay may parol, palakihan at pagandahan pa! And in fairness, parang di recession kasi dumodoble ang konsumo sa kuryente ng mga tao kasi naman buong bahay pinalibutan ng Christmas lights! (At masaya rin ang Meralco! Harharhar!)

 

 

Last minute shopping. Panalo sa dami ng tao sa mall kapag December. Daig pa ang public market. Lalo na sa mall ng masa—ang SM. Ay sus, parang ang daming pera ng Pinoy especially when it’s 2 or 3 days away na lang before Christmas.  Feel na feel mo ang Christmas rush.

 

 

Christmas Carols. “Sa may bahay ang aming bati, Meri Krismas na maluwalhati…” Sino ba sa atin ang hindi nakaranas na mag-karoling? At sino ba ang hindi guilty sa pagsigaw ng “Patawad!” kapag may kumakanta sa harap ng mga bahay natin? Noong bata pa ko, isa sa mga inaabangan ko ang pagpasok ng buwan ng Disyembre. Kasi ibig sabihin pwede na kaming magbhay-bahay at mangaroling. Extra money yun. Hehe…  Pero kahit na nauubos ang barya (at pati biils) mo sa mga di-maubos na carolers, you will appreciate having them around kasi they add to the spirit of Christmas.

 

Simbang gabi. Who wouldn’t miss this tradition? Dito sa UAE, meron din namang simbang gabi na ginaganap, of course, at night.  Ang nakaka-miss ay yung misa tuwing madaling araw. It takes a little sacrifice para gumising ng maaga at magsimba. Pero ang sarap naman ng pakiramdam pagkatapos di ba? A little trivia: Sabi nila kapag nabuo mo raw ang 9 na misa, pwede ka daw mag wish. Hehe.. Nag-wish nga ako noon, nagkatotoo naman cya kaya lang after more than a year pa nangyari. Hehe..

 

 

Cyempre kung may simbang gabi, di mawawala ang puto bumbong at bibingka. *drooling* Eto talaga sobrang namimiss ko na. Sa labas ng simbahan, marami kang madadaanan na nagluluto’t nagtitinda ng mga kakanin na ‘to. Tamang-tama kasi oras na para mag-almusal pagkatapos ng simbang gabi.  Nai-imagine ko na yung bibingka na may itlog na maalat sa ibabaw saka yung puto bumbong na maraming niyog at asukal. Yumyum! Nakakagutom talaga. (Sori naman kasi yung picture sa baba di naman litrato ng puto bumbong. Hehe..)

 

 

One of the perks ng pagta-trabaho sa isang customer service-oriented company ay marami kang nakikilalang kliyente. At kapag malapit na ang Pasko, umuulan din ng regalo mula sa mga masusugid na manliligaw, este kliyente pala. LOL. Mapa-binata, lolo, lola, mommy ay nagbibigay ng regalo tuwing Christmas. Bukod pa yan sa regalong dino-donate nila sa branch namin para ipa-raffle sa Christmas party. Isa lang namang ang request nila, ang makapag-papalit ng bagong-bago at malulutong na peso bills. (Yupyup, sa banko ako dati nagta-trabaho)

 

 

Long holidays. Syempre sa Pinas, uso ang Christmas break kapag studyante ka. If you’re already working, holiday pa rin mula December 24. Eh dito, bisperas na ng Pasko nasa opisina ka pa. Kulang na kulang ang oras para mag-prepare for Noche Buena. Isipin mo na lang, lalabas ako ng opisina ng 6pm, makakarating ng 8:30 dahil sa sobrang trapik, halos wala na tuloy oras para makapagluto ng bonggang-bongga! Sana pwede ako isakay ni Santa sa sleigh nya para makauwi agad. Hehe..

 

Most of all, miss ko ng mag-Pasko sa Pinas kasama ng pamilya ko. Kahit pa kasi gano karami ang handa namin sa Noche Buena, iba kapag kasalo mo ang buong pamilya mo. Maituturing ko na rin namang pamilya ang mga kasambahay ko dito pero walang papalit sa saya na makapiling mo ang magulang at mga kapatid mo sa okasyong ito.

For Someone Part Two December 5, 2009

 

For someone whom I thought was the one…                      

You are someone I will always be grateful of.

You gave your precious time;

You shared your loving family;

We built dreams together.

We grew as one.

I experienced so much love

because you loved me beyond everything;

Despite my shortcomings,

you loved me still

Even so, it never ended as we planned to;

Things have changed and so we said goodbyes.

Now, you’re just a memory…

That will always bring an overwhelming feeling on me.

 

For someone who comes and go…                          

I may not always like your ways;

You’re unpredictable…

And for you, relationships are momentary.

Yet you excite me.

You thrilled me with every moment we’re together.

I cared for you but somewhere along the way, you left me hanging.

So that was it.

Only a fleeting experience.

 

For someone who calls himself “daredevil”…                             

You mesmerized me with your personality;

So charming, witty, you’re like a magnet attracting me.

Who would have thought I’d fall in love?

Whole-heartedly  I have given my trust

even though we met in a world full of pretensions

where almost every thing & everyone aren’t real.

Beyond the world of chatters you showed me who you are…

And I was head over heels, they say.

I was so much in love.

But then again, it ended.

 

 

For someone who disrespects me…  

I should have not recalled you now

But I can never deny that…

You were once part of my life–

A dark part of my life.

You’re someone who claims that love me the most;

Yet the same mouth speaks indecently of me.

You let other people lose their respect on me

because you don’t know how to show one.

If regrets are not worth to have,

I’d still have it

because you have done nothing but abused me

You were a nightmare…

And I’m glad I woke up…

You were the poison that almost killed me.

 

For someone who saved me…           

You’re my angel…my God’s gift,

my drinking buddy and my best friend.

When I lost my sense of worth,

You were there giving me assurance

that I’ll be okay

You’re the one who appeased me when I cry

even if the reason is someone else.

You never showed anything

less than high respect and love

Only God knows if this will be lifetime…

For now, I live each day loving you more.